pointing fingers and finding praise

i make judgements.

i see others sin and wonder why they seemingly choose to live in it.

why is it okay to see (and more often than not, point out) a specific flaw in another person and completely ignore it when it's present in my own heart?



i think of having my own family one day.
raising my children, instilling in them the love of God's Word and obedience to His commandments.
those kids are going to make mistakes in their lives which i will have no control over.
but it breaks my heart even now to think of the grip sin could have in their life,
and the choices they will make regardless of what i teach them,
regardless of the love i show them. they will decide to sin at some point.

then, the truth glared at me.

that must be exactly how the Lord feels about us.

how much it must anguish Him, to see us choose less than His perfect plan.
He knows the very best and we still do the things He despises, the sins He absolutely hates.
psalm 51 even says that it is against Him and Him alone that we sin.

how dare i use the shortcomings of other people, other brothers and sisters in Christ,
to lessen the wretchedness of my own sin.

the ugly, horrible reality is that every day i can and do decide to tear people down in a futile attempt to climb the ladder of self-righteousness. there's nothing more to say about it, because that's all it is.
i should be building them up, speaking encouragement, praying for them.
that's what i want others to do for me, right?

these thoughts would be overwhelming, and condemning,
if not for a risen Savior,
a Holy Spirit that convicts and comforts,
and a Heavenly Father who draws His children back to Himself.
that is the glorious truth that i cling to.


-b

single as a pringle.

hello, strangers. long time no see! 

this post has been coming for a while now.
at first I debated whether or not to share it, but I kiiiinda feel like I need to.
it's fairly personal, and not something I talk about too often. alright.
(^ ha, that sounds like I'm confessing a felony or making a huge announcement.. 'tis not so.)

anyhow. let's talk about relationships.

*collective sigh*

can we (as in the christian teenagers who may be reading this) all agree that topic is..
trite? tired? overdone? old? confusing? stressful? heck, how about boring?

I personally don't want to read another article about it ever ever ever.
(well, ok. some of the wisdom I've came across is probably more invaluable than I realize right now.)

here's my story. or problem. whatever. 

hopefully you can find a little encouragement from it.


I've never had a boyfriend and if you want to know the truth,
sometimes I'm terribly insecure about it.
no, I don't think I'm worthless or somehow less of a person because of it.
but on my bad days, I ask myself, "well.. why isn't anyone interested? what's wrong with me?"

(here's the part where you feel bad for me and maybe even say "aww" and cry.

...kidding. that's a joke.)

in fact, in my head I know that:

• my worth, value, identity, and security aren't based in my relationship status. at all.
• there is just that one person who was made for me (and I've always believed that)
• God knows exactly how He'll bring that person into my life, and it's out of my control.
• if singleness is what He chooses for me, He'll also supply the strength I need.

but sometimes those truths are difficult to translate to my heart.

I want to know for sure what will happen, or what I should do, and how it all works together.
but I don't.
I feel left out seeing everyone else have someone. but that's okay.
when my relatives at family reunion ask year after year if I have a boyfriend,
I just blush and say no as they ask me why. but that's okay, too. it's actually pretty funny.


all that to say this:
God is so faithful to me.

He is my foundation, my purpose, and the greatest relationship I will ever know.

if He blesses me with marriage, I want to do my best to make sure it is a display of Christ and His love for the church.

I pray for that person every time I think of it, and I reallyyy hope he does the same.
I need it, you guys.

if it's worth having, it's worth waiting for.



oh, and this.. because I love it.

-b

against the voices.

guys, I'm not really sure what I'm about to write but it's probably going to sound
like I need to be tested for a mental disorder.. so here goes.

do you ever hear voices?


do this. be that. talk more like this. don't feel that way. DOTHISBETHATDON'TDOTHATBELIKETHIS.


..that's how it sounds in my head.
every day.
voices, yelling.
beckoning, screaming for attention.
preconceived notions, flat out lies, hopeful assumptions, & so much more.





sometimes I wonder how many of those voices sound like
advice I shouldn't take, articles I shouldn't read, thoughts I shouldn't dwell on,
and honestly.. social media that I need to limit (Lord Jesus, help me!).


have we all but forgotten the need to tune out every once in a while
and take a really close look at what we're thinking about?
our sources of information?
how do we form our opinions?
our thinking patterns? even our worldview?

once again, more questions to be answered. blah blah blah blah blah.


so what does it boil down to? where is the resolve? root of the problem, people.


there is a singular voice of Truth that's more than a Casting Crowns song.
He lives in the sixty-six-book divine letter that sits on my shelf 75% of the time.

(can I just be painfully honest here and say that I DON'T always get it right?
I fight against these voices. I don't read my Bible enough. I struggle with prayer.
thank God for His beautiful grace and conviction that simultaneously
calls me to change that and gives the strength to do it.
that's what I consider a win-win situation.)

how clear is that voice when we know Who it belongs to.
although, a little disclaimer:
sometimes God's voice is hard to hear,
and sometimes He chooses to remain silent.
(but that's a different discussion for a different time.)



so, do you hear all those nagging voices now?
the ones pulling you in every direction but north?
I know I can.
better yet: do you know the voice of Jesus when He speaks?

-b

nostalgia + more

the past creeps up on me, slowly sometimes, or instead all at once.
the good, the bad, the really good, and the really bad.

it seems like a waste, to keep going back to a time that is non-existent.
if there's no benefit to draw from it, no new lesson to be learned.. why?
yet to me, it's incredible that we even have a memory.
a little storage compartment.
to be able to recall how I felt, how it changed me, how I feel about it now.
my memory is like a box kept under lock & key,
containing precious things and moments that matter only to me.

but is it only me? do other people feel this same way?
if these things were to all perish, which one day in the future they will,
would someone else care? would they miss those moments?
the things and time we shared?

I think they would. and to me, that matters.


I wish I could relive many times in my life,
replay them somehow with the people who care about them.

I live for the moments that I look at someone's face and can see
they just put a moment in that little storage compartment.
they'll find the key to that box in a smell, an image, a person.
maybe even a song.
I live. for. that.


I don't know why it's so important to me.
it's not like I want to live my life so that in the end,
I'll possess some mental filing cabinet full of things that aren't eternal. no.

but I'm starting to believe that those little things are glimpses of the eternal,
the things that will never pass away or perish or be forgotten.

I want to hold on to those glimpses for as long as needed.
to see what they can show me.

the glory of God is inside of those moments.
because God is in every moment.
I can now see Him in every laugh, every star, and every person.
He is in everything and He is everything.
He is so much more than we know or can see.
He goes beyond these moments, into a place where time is no more
and these amazing, nostalgic, God-given moments
fade away in comparison to Him.


I see things the way that I do because that is how He made me,
and every one else. for the sole purpose of glorifying Him.
my prayer is that we would have our eyes opened to these glorious things,
to the glorious God who created them and loves and saves.


-b

2013.

is it just me or is everyone else still flipping out about this new year?
I seriously can't get over it!
2012 went by so quickly.. now part of the past. whew.

I'd like to commemorate:
the last week of '12 + the first week of '13 
with a little commentary and a few iphone snaps. :)


first off, I want to say that I was incredibly fortunate to be able to take
two (separate) out-of-state trips within a two week time frame.
it was so much fun to visit with my brother in Florida for the week of Christmas,
then fly down (BY MYSELF, might I add. woooot.)
to the lone star state to stay with a dear friend to attend
another dear friend's wedding.
seriously. awesome.

 Florida:

we spent nearly a week with my brother & his wife and daughter
and I loved every minute.
he's moved fairly often (as have I) in the past few years
and it's always a blessing to see him.
oldest brothers can't be beat, I tell ya.

day trip to historical St. Augustine. it was c.o.o.l.

my absolutely adorable youngest niece.

my brother. just in case you couldn't tell we're related..

so many more photos I could share from there.. maybe a facebook album?
if I ever get around to it. :)

now to Texas!

me and this amazing girl named Shelbie (dear friend) have been talking for almost
exactly a year now through email, texting, phone calls, skype..
anything you can think of.
other than in passing at church camps, we had only ever met ONCE last July..
for twenty minutes might I add- and it simply wasn't enough.
so I decided we needed a week together this January
and praise the LORD it worked out!
luckily we both knew this other amazing dear friend {Bekah}
and got to attend her wedding. together.
talk about fun. 

basically we have a lot of fun together.

mustache props + crazy wedding people = fun.

me, dear friend #1, dear friend #2.

I lovelovelovelovelove flying. love it.

SO. that's what my "lately" has looked like.
I'm excited for the adventures this year will bring.


-b

winter.

today has been anticipated by many as the apocalypse. (dun duh duhhh.)
and since that didn't happen (yet),
I'm relishing the fact that it's now winter.
personally it's my favorite season,
except for the dreadful sniffles & such that usually come with it. *coughs*

I love waking up to shiny white light in the morning,
although unfortunately since my older siblings are grown,
I'm not involved in as many snowball fights as I'd like to be. :)




to me, winter is a time of rest and reflection and renewing.
spring will come with new life in a few short months,
but as my favorite band states in this lovely song:

"every seed dies before it grows." 

sometimes I need a break.
on the outside I may be fine, but eventually I need some time alone or else..
it's just not good.

once again I'm amazed at the seasons that our Father established
not only in nature, but in hearts and lives and emotions.
He placed balance and order where it was necessary and made it beautiful, too.
even though the cold wind and deep snow eventually gets tiresome,
it's beautiful.

the new year is coming, and I'm excited for it.
may all your resolutions fail and instead,
be reminded of the new life that comes after the winter.

'tis the season.

whoa.
so I just had a strange realization that not only:
1) I have a blog.
2) I haven't updated it in a month or more.
3) life can go from mildly busy
{as in every once in a while},
to crazy busy
{as in forgetting what day it is}
in the blink of an eye!


so here I am, procrastinating again.
my birthday is tomorrow and
I'm hardly believing it.
December has been an insane month already,
and I know it will continue!
so much I'm learning lately that I will share,
in due time.

to whoever is reading, thank you &
merry christmas!

-Baylee